NOS KULTURA BY JEAN-PAUL PAULA

Curated and written by Jean-Paul Paula

This work is called "Nos Kultura", which means "our culture" in Papiamento language.

It's a part of a bigger project that I'm working on at the moment, a film about homophobia in the black community.

A text message from my father when I was 28 it read "my dear son I am sorry…"

As an image maker if I'm not able to reflect on my own identity, then what am I?

This question has motivated not just my art practice but my activism and personal development moving gradually from my subconsciousness to my consciousness. Over the last years I have come to realize that my experience as a black gay man is not just based on who I am, but more so on where I am. I am the first born son of a Curaçao, an immigrant family raised in Dutch suburbs. Even though my experience as an individual, I started to understand that the reactions to my identity has been written for me long before I was born.

Balancing a childhood between an ultra religious household, masculine stereotypes and structural racism initially resulted in an identity that was fueled by a lack of self worth, internalized racism juxtaposed with the constant need to appear strong and ambitious in order to defy premeditated expectations. Once I came to understand that this attitude of self-denial was a reflection of my cultural heritage and national history, I was able to reshape my own narrative.

After my coming out, I was cast out by my parents and had limited to no access to my brothers and sisters. Over the course of ten years my parents confronted their internalized homophobia and we were able to build a new relationship. I want to use my experience as the starting point to reflect on black gay identity. And the possibility of reconnecting with the family that you don’t choose but that you are born into.